oh friend, i am definitely also in the only reliably managing one meal a day right now zone. it is not a great place to be for the long-term but it also is what it is, and there is no point berating ourselves for being here temporarily. here are some advices that i have gotten from my acupuncturist and doctor and hard-won experience:
1. literally anything you put in your mouth today is a triumph! also known as the “doesn’t matter, had lunch” principle. in the one meal a day zone, anything is a step up from nothing.
2. if you can, it is a good idea to find ways to sneak more calories, fat, etc. into whatever you are drinking throughout the day. drink plenty of water too. but if you can find a “meal replacement” shake or protein shake that is palatable to you, do it! not to “replace” “meals”, but to supplement them. very heavy cream or full-fat coconut milk are good to stir into coffee or tea.
3. see if there are any low-stress snacks that you can at least somewhat reliably eat, and that won’t require any preparation whatsoever, for the between-meal times when you’re feeling on the edge of dangerously woozy. the current thing i can usually manage is rice crackers. nuts are awesome because they are pretty calorically dense and you don’t have to eat a ton of them. whatever! snacks are great!
4. if you are in the zone where you can only eat a really limited amount of stuff before you become nauseated from being overly full, frontloading a lot of vegetables into your mealtime can backfire, if you end up being stuffed full of salad and still dizzy from hunger and not able to eat any more. i am a big proponent of dressing vegetables in a generous amount of a tasty oil (olive or coconut) and roasting them, partly because roasted vegetables are sometimes easier to eat (do you get worn out from having to move your jaw? i do) and partly because that is a good way to ingest some oil to keep your hair and skin from getting too sad.
5. if it has been a while since the last time you ate and you can tell your stomach will rebel at having anything introduced to it, it sometimes helps to prime the pump with something sugary. a glass of ginger ale and a thirty-minute wait has been the difference between being able to eat and not being able to eat for me a lot of times.
6. for the medium- to long-term, if you have access to a doctor who will order blood tests and keep an eye on where you are deficient, that is a great resource and you should take whatever vitamin and mineral supplements they point you toward. a nutritionist who can help you prepare meal plans with an eye toward fulfilling the needs your doctor has identified is also great if available.
7. if you eat meat, fatty cuts of meat cooked at low temperatures for a long time are amazing (braised whatever, stew, carnitas, etc). this is especially true if the preparation also includes a way to eat the fat that was rendered out of the meat as it cooked (in the form of braising liquid turned into gravy, braised meat fried to a crisp in its own fat, etc.). also i have gotten rid of any “low-fat” version of anything and procured its full-fat equivalent instead, like, if i am only going to be able to have two tablespoons of coconut milk in my coffee it had fucking better not be a reduced-fat simulacrum.
8. are there any situations during which you have noticed you can usually eat? i have a way easier time eating in social situations with other people around, and diner breakfasts/dinner dates are usually times where i can eat more than i would have been able to by myself. who cares why in the teeth of the one-meal-a-day monster, it is not the time for exploring etiology, it is the time for figuring out what works in the present tense and going with it. it also helps me to be brought things to eat and have them plunked in front of me. my partner just went out and bought me a mcrib and i inhaled it. fuck yeah.
9. no pressure, but it is good if you can sort of keep an eye on when it feels good (or at least less bad) to eat, and identify what the common features of feeling-good times are, and exploit them. for me that is diner breakfasts, or coming up with a limited palette of tastes and choosing foods within those parameters to make things mysteriously more appetizing. bitter-smoky-salty-sour is my favourite palette; those are days with rye bread and salted tomatoes and sharp marmalade and lapsang souchong.
this is not comprehensive but i hope it is a little helpful!
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Reblogging because it’s legit.
The joke is all well and good, but more importantly, it tells me that 519 is not reserved for landlines like I had previously assumed. (I suspect that 519’s are indeed disproportionately landlines and 226’s disproportionately cells, but clearly it is not a sure thing.)
Ah, here we are. Go, bask in the light of knowledge.
(I keep meaning to learn more about how ID numbers (phones and license plates mostly) work and what information one can glean from them by looking at them.)
brin-bellway replied to your post:There should be a google maps game where you get a…Does google maps have street view where you live? Maybe you could make your own game (not coding something, just loading google maps and wandering around with a goal in mind) where you put yourself down somewhere in the city (near home to start) and have to find your way home?Yes! I was just talking yesterday about coping mechanisms for a bad sense of direction, and I think something like that would be helpful for me. (I’d do terribly at first, yes, but it would encourage me to study and show me how I was progressing.)Level 1: start a block away from your house, different direction each time. google maps will have you facing in a random direction probably. try to find your way home.Level 2: start a couple blocks from home. same goal: try to get home.gradually proceeding to about as far as you’d reasonably end up walking, then move on to:starting from home, walk until you find the nearest [place]. time yourself and try to beat previous times if that works for you. don’t time yourself if that’ll make it worse. different place each time.example places: the grocery store, the library, the gas station, the park, the movie theatre, the river (if you have one), the pond (if you have one), where your friend lives, your favourite tree (if you have one. i do; it’s one of the ones downtown. i say hi to it every time i see it.), your favourite restaurant, a restaurant that is near home, the hill (if you have one), the train station, the nearest tram stop, the ice creamery. any place that is meaningful to you really.another thing you can do (level: hard): find the nearest tram stop for a tram you’ve taken before and try to trace out its route.—+ it actually might be possible to take a screenshot of your neighbourhood on satellite view on google maps, photoshop the street names out, print off a bunch of copies, and work from there with a pencil. you’d have to grade them yourself though.+ another thing you could do: take a camera with you and take a photo every ten steps while you go somewhere. then later you could look at the pictures of the story of how to get somewhere. i used to do this for my girlfriend before google maps did street view in my city. it was pretty fun. we had “going downtown to pay rent” and “going to my favourite restaurant” and “going for a walk with the cat”. and then we’d look at them on skype together.
Street view? I wish. They haven’t even updated the satellite view since spring 2006. My driveway has the previous owner’s car in it, and my dentist’s office is an empty lot.
I’m okay with the stuff within walking distance (except the housing development, but I only go there for trick-or-treating (so it would still be useful one night a year)). Trouble is, I’ve been learning to drive (no public transit pick-ups and few stores within walking distance, so I pretty much have to) and realising that even after being driven around this county often for over six years, my knowledge of the parts outside my village consists of a bunch of disconnected pockets a few blocks long. I’ll know when I’m close to, say, the grocery store, and I’ll know when I’m close to the computer repair shop, but how to get from one to the other? No idea.
(Actually, they might have street view in the city proper. Let’s check a couple example places.
Walmart: yes, image taken April 2009. Grocery store: yes, image taken August 2011. This might be a workable idea after all.)
-Snipped for length-
It is so very easy to be confused about Asexuality because it is about finding something that isn’t there, it is again defined by a lack of something. Sex repulsion on the other hand is very intensely defined by the presence of something, it is defined by a feeling that is not only easy to find and understand, but one that is pretty hard to ignore. The sense of repulsion that we as sex-repulsed people feel makes it pretty easy for us to identify as sex-repulsed, provided we have access to that terminology. In my experience, it is much easier to notice an active negative emotional association than an absent sexual orientation. So, I think that sex-repulsed people are led to think that it is less important to talk about.
Compared to the often long and confusing process of identifying anywhere on the Asexual spectrum, noticing that sex is something that you don’t like seems less interesting. And why exactly should we talk about something that most people are perfectly capable of discovering on their own?
I think this is a really interesting commentary. In one of my comments on Sciatrix’s post at the Asexual Agenda, I wrote:
One thing that I’ve come to realize about myself is that as an aromantic asexual, I have basically no positive preference for any gender, not even in terms of aesthetic attraction, but my aversion is definitely strongest in regard to men (I’m a cis woman) so that it’s kind of a “negative preference”, and that does affect when I think about having even a queerplatonic relationship and what kinds of people I might or might not want to have it with. It’s very curious.
I thought of this again when reading faustianfantasy’s argument that sex-aversion or repulsion is a presence of feeling whereas asexuality in itself is an absence.
To explore this a bit further, I didn’t know about the concept of asexuality until I was 31; I knew what I was, but I thought it was just something about me, not that it was an actual sexual orientation that others shared.
When I thought about myself previously, I tended to define it as “not interested in sex” or “non-sexual”. I never singled out lack of sexual attraction as the distinctive characteristic. I suppose this is similar to how many allosexuals may conflate sexual orientation and sexuality.
Thanks to the reductionism of the asexual community, I’ve started to be able to tease apart the different aspects of my “not interested in sex”, determining which parts are due to lack of sexual attraction, which parts are due to not having a sex drive, which parts are due to being aromantic, and also which parts are due to being sex-averse (and there may be other aspects that I haven’t yet separated out!).
What I’m saying in my comment excerpted above is that I’ve got an absence on so many aspects (asexual, aromantic, non-libidoist) that my sex-aversion seems to literally be the only presence or preference that I have.
But I feel like it’s really difficult to try to feel my way around by what I strongly don’t like when everything about sexuality seems to be defined by what you do like (this of course gets back into positive and negative definitions of asexuality and the role of doubt and absence).
From my perspective, then, sex-aversion isn’t really any less confusing than asexuality itself and that’s why I’ve focused more on what I perceive as some societal pressures against talking about sex-aversion, because to me that seems the more obvious explanation for the relative lack of discussion. Obviously, others will have different perspectives.
Oh, I completely agree with what you’ve said about the pressures against writing about it, I might have been a little too quick on moving past that. But I do understand and agree, writing and posting the thing was difficult, and I imagine if I were more aware of the bigger Asexual community I probably wouldn’t have.
I’ve also thought about your last paragraph, I didn’t mean to imply that sex aversion/repulsion was any less confusing to think about or rationalize, it confuses me to think about quite a bit honestly. And I do believe that there is more to it that we just haven’t developed the language to discuss yet.
What I meant that it is more obvious to notice, I haven’t heard of anyone having a revelation about their repulsion besides having a name to ascribe it. And with so much of the discussion in the Ace community being about how to recognize various aspects of your sexuality, that might have discouraged discussion. If we somehow manage to apply the reductionism to sex-aversion, I will be as happy as anyone to have a chance to understand more deeply.
I haven’t heard of anyone having a revelation about their repulsion besides having a name to ascribe it.
I did. I would have been much better off throughout childhood and adolescence if the idea had existed in the cultural milieu that thinking sex is squicky could be both permanent (a valid opinion held by mature people, not just young children) and effortless (not a vow of chastity that took large quantities of willpower to uphold). Those were the two closest concepts to repulsion I was given, the first with a time limit, and it didn’t occur to me to look outside that before getting to know the asexual community and their ideas.
Once I hit puberty, I had two options: take the abovementioned vow, or accept the “inevitability” of wanting sex (which I was not willing to do; it seemed too not-me). So I ended up wasting a lot of effort on chastity that would’ve maintained itself just fine on its own. (Well, there are the kink fantasies, but the only reason I tried to suppress those is because I was worried they’d be a gateway to having vanilla intercourse. Now that I know that isn’t true, I’m fine with it.)
(Needless to say, I can’t identify with the common young asexual’s narrative of “wanting to want sex” at all. Or the “but abstinence is easy, why are you making such a fuss over it” one, for that matter, though in that case it’s much harder to tell what was different that caused those people to take that path while I took this one.)
I’ve split up the chart so each character’s quote would be legible, but all credit for the original should go to MightyGodKing.com.
How perfect are these?? Though I think you can make a pretty good case that Odo and Worf should switch alignments — Odo’s morality certainly takes a few hits over the years.
I started thinking about the outsides of starships and how seldom humans touch them.
Which has led inevitably to thinking about how when she gets home and her ship is in drydock, Kathryn Janeway spends a lot of time very late at night lying on Voyager's hull, in the hollow where the silly headlight beam lies, understanding in a completely new way the scale of her ship, feeling the outside of it.